Yes, "Daddy Issues" Are A Real Thing — Here Are 6 Signs You May Have Them (2024)

Have you ever heard of someone having "daddy issues" and wondered what it actually meant? "Daddy issues" is a colloquial term aimed at people—typically women—who struggle with dating and interpersonal relationships due to their past (and yes, the gendered aspect is pretty problematic). In TV and pop culture, characters with "daddy issues" tend to have complicated, dysfunctional relationships with men, and they often appear reckless, needy, or unstable in some way.

"'Daddy issues' isn't a clinical term in the realm of psychology, but it is certainly part of our lexicon," says clinical psychologistCarla Marie Manly, Ph.D. "The term 'daddy issues' generally refers to an individual whose enmeshed, difficult, or nonexistent relationship with a father creates lasting psychological harm."

Although the phrase is joked about informally in the dating world, the label can be stigmatizing and lead to misunderstanding about what "daddy issues" actually involve.

What are "daddy issues"?

"The term 'daddy issues' is used to refer to psychological issues that a person may experience as a result of an absent, abusive, or problematic relationship with their father or father figure," saysBre Haizlip, LPC, a licensed mental health counselor and family relationship expert. "It is not a clinical or medical term and is not officially recognized by psychologists or psychiatrists."

You won't find "daddy issues" in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), and the term's exact origins appear unknown. But generally speaking, the phrase has become a catchall for people whoseattachment issuesorunresolved traumaplay out in their romantic relationships.

"The origins of the term are unclear, but it has been used for decades, particularly in the context of Freudian psychology," says licensed counselorCharity M. Kilgore, LPC. "It has been used to describe a range of behaviors and attitudes, including seeking out older men for romantic relationships, difficulty trusting men, low self-esteem, and a range of other emotional and psychological issues."

The role of gender in "daddy issues"

Historically, the term "daddy issues" has been used in a derogatory way to describe women—but according to clinical psychotherapistMiriam Koshy, MSc, anyone can experience them since it's an attachment problem at its core. "The term is often used to shame women and minimize their needs and desires in relationships," she tells mbg. "People misuse the term quite often…which can cause a woman to feel judged and suggest that something may be wrong with her. Anyone can have attachment wounds resulting from a lack of strong relationships with their parents, regardless of gender."

Raffaello Antonino, Ph.D., a London-based counseling psychologist and clinical director atTherapy Central, tells mbg, "A man [may] experience 'daddy issues' well into his 30s or 40s if they grew up with an unstable father figure that made them feel 'not good enough' for their love and attention as a child. In turn, their 'daddy issues' might make theminsecure in their romantic relationships[or have] difficulties navigating relationships with powerful men in their lives, like a manager at work."

"Using the term 'daddy issues' carelessly can perpetuate stigma and discourage individuals from seeking help for genuine emotional struggles," he continues. "Individuals of any gender and sexual orientation can experience challenges related to their relationships with their fathers—as well as their mothers." (That's right—mommy issuesare totally a thing).

Signs you may have daddy issues

If you're secretly wondering whether or not you have "daddy issues," ahead are the potential signs to watch out for, according to relationship experts.

Note: People of any gender can have father-related attachment issues, and while many of the more notable signs deal with adult relationships with men, these can apply to romantic relationships of any kind:

Trust issuesare a universal challenge in relationships, but if you find it especially hard to trust a partner (or other men in your life), this could be a sign of father-related attachment issues. Experts say the discomfort could be linked to aninsecure attachment stylein which you distance yourself, avoid emotional connection, or detach yourself out of fear of getting hurt. This can sometimes causefear of intimacyor trouble with communication, according to Haizlip.

"Given that it is natural to want to be loved, protected, and connected to one's father in healthy ways," Manly says, a lack of healthy father-child connection during childhood may cause you to seek approval from others later in life. Manly explains this behavior can look like "a nearly insatiableneed for male approvaland acceptance" or "over-pleasing tendencies, particularly toward males"—whether romantically or platonically.

According to Manly, you may have "daddy issues" if you consistentlyidealize the relationshipor feel particularly drawn to men who you perceive will take care of you. "Especially those who appear strong and protective," she adds. Manly says you may also feel a strong "desire to be coddled and taken care of" by men in your life, including those who are older than you (although age isn't necessarily a factor for everyone).

"A person with unresolved trauma or issues related to their father may struggle to form healthy attachments or may seek out relationships that mirror their past experiences," Haizlip tells mbg.

For example, if you wereanxiously attachedto a father figure or had intensefamily issuesgrowing up, you may be drawn to similar dynamics in romantic relationships later on—whether you realize it consciously or not.

If your parents were distant or unaffectionate when you were younger, "daddy issues" may look like seeking partners who areemotionally unavailable.

Dealing with jealousyis a natural part of dating, but folks with attachment issues may experience it more than others. Your jealousy may be related tocodependency, fear of being alone,abandonment issues, or overall insecurity about the relationship due to your past experiences.

Was your father absent in your life? Was he physically present but emotionally unavailable? Was your father abusive toward you physically, emotionally, or sexually?

If you said yes to any of the above, that's reason enough to assume you may have attachment issues that require healing.

What causes daddy issues?

"There is no one definitive cause of 'daddy issues' since every individual's experiences and relationships with their father or father figure are unique," Koshy tells mbg. However, most experts agree that the idea of daddy issues can be traced to Sigmund Freud's "Oedipus complex," which he proposed as part of early psychoanalytic theory.

"This complex suggests that a person may have certain unconscious impulses, both positive and negative, due to a poor relationship with their father," Koshy tells mbg. "In women with this complex, they may develop unhealthy relationships or patterns with men who care for them in an attempt to fix their broken relationship with their father."

For example, if your father was overly controlling or critical, you may have low self-esteem in future relationships and seek constant affirmation. Or if your parent was physically or emotionally absent, you may seek to heal those feelings of abandonment or neglect in future relationships. "When fathers do not express their emotions or communicate with their children, it can lead to difficulties in forming close emotional connections with others [later on]," Koshy adds.

That said, sometimes, "daddy" issues are more related to generalattachment stylesthan your literal relationship with your father figure. "In general, insecure attachment—whether avoidant (i.e.,dismissive), ambivalent (i.e., anxious or preoccupied), ordisorganized(i.e., unresolved)—can lead to a wide array of mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns, including daddy issues," Manly tells mbg.

How daddy issues can affect your relationships

"Daddy issues" can impact your relationships in a variety of important ways. "A person may struggle to form healthy attachments with romantic partners, may seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, or may struggle with intimacy and trust," Kilgore says. "Some studieshave linked a poor relationship with one's father to a range of psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem."

According to Kashy, these attachment issues can also make your relationships feel generally unstable and untrustworthy. "They may worry that their partner will abandon them, reject them, or betray them, which can lead to jealousy, possessiveness orclinginessand indulging in a lot of people-pleasing behaviors," she tells mbg. Fear of rejection, constant approval-seeking, andemotional dependencecan also occur, Kashy adds.

Daddy issues may also affect the type of sex and relationships you seek. For example,one study11suggests that people whose fathers were absent or disengaged during childhood may be more likely to explore risky sexual behavior later in life.Another studyfound that men who grew up with emotionally distant fathers reported a lack of self-confidence and a desire to find father substitutes in adulthood. Daddy issues don’t necessarily lead to problems with sex, but it can’t hurt to reflect on how your past may be influencing the present.

How to address your daddy issues

According to Manly, the first way to address these father-related attachment issues is to understand the potential underlying reasons you might have them. "The first step toward healing from 'daddy issues' is to increase awareness regarding the psychological wounds from early childhood," she says. "Nonjudgmental,free-association journalingthat focuses on the father-child relationship is a wonderful way to delve into daddy issues."

She also suggests making an objective list of what you perceive your "daddy issues" to be—for example, do you have trouble getting vulnerable with your partner? Do you constantly find yourselfdating narcissists, or do you find yourself snapping at your male co-worker for no reason?

"As you become more aware of your issues, you can [eventually] choose to engage in different behaviors in the future," Manly says.

It may sound counterintuitive to embrace your daddy issues, but Manly says that sometimes, practicing self-acceptance is key to healing them. "If your daddy issues don't harm you or those you interact with, you may decide that you're more interested in embracing them rather than changing them," she tells mbg. Some people may find their daddy issues to be helpful and even healthy for their healing, Manly says, in which case it may be OK to accept where you're at.

If these issues have negatively impacted your dating life, it may be time to focus on building healthier relationships. "Surround yourself withsupportive, trustworthy peoplewho uplift you and encourage your growth," Kashy recommends. This can help you reframe your idea of healthy relationships, she says, and even provide emotional support that you may have lacked in your early childhood relationships.

Healing your daddy issues is no small feat, but professional support can help. "Consider seeing a therapist to address and work through [your] issues," Kashy tells mbg. "A therapist can help you process your emotions, recognize and break unhelpful patterns, and work toward healing and building healthier adult relationships."

If therapy isn't accessible right now or you'd rather approach the healing journey solo first, Manly recommends bibliotherapy (i.e., readingself-help books) as a starting point. You can also engage ininner child workand othertrauma-coping exercisesthat can help you address the root causes of your daddy issues.

When it comes to any relationship challenge,being kind to yourselfis key. "Be kind and empathic with yourself during the journey," Manly says. "Psychological wounds cannot be healed unless they are noticed and given proper, nonjudgmental attention. Processing and tending to the often-hidden childhood pain that gives rise to 'daddy issues' can result in empowering and life-changing personal growth."

The takeaway

Whether your "daddy issues" are caused by problems during childhood involving your father or you simply struggle with attachment in relationships, you don't have to deal with this alone. If reading about daddy issues brought up hurtful memories from the past, know that it's natural to feel overwhelmed—but you can, and will, get through this.

"Acknowledge the emotions you feel regarding your relationship with your father," Kashy says. "Whether it's anger, hurt, sadness, or disappointment, allow yourself to feel these emotions and understand that they are valid."

Look out for the common signs of daddy issues, and reflect on whether or not they hit home for you—because you know your story best. And remember: Although it's not a clinical diagnosis, just about anyone can "have" daddy issues—it's a common experience, and with some intentional self-care and healing practices, you can be on your way to healthy, strong relationships.