20-40-60 Etiquette: Should mom host baby shower? (2024)

QUESTION: My 38-year-old daughter is having twins. Her first babies. Is it wrong of me to host a baby shower for her? Her mother-in-law has declined to co-host due to etiquette issues. We hosted her wedding shower.

My issue is there will be a great many people invited and it can get a bit expensive, but I am willing to take in that expense. I guess I don’t feel comfortable letting someone else take on the burden of what could be a costly shower. What would the proper thing for me to do? Should I put another person’s name as hostess and leave my name off, but still pay for it?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: How exciting for her and YOU! I feel etiquette rules like these are OK to break from time to time. Especially for a joyous occasion as a baby shower! If someone offers to join you in hosting, let them! You can just pay for the more expensive item if that makes you feel more comfortable.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Traditional etiquette rules frown on close relatives like mothers hosting baby showers to avoid being self-serving. However, even the etiquette gurus at the Emily Post Institute have softened their traditional stance on this a bit over the years, saying that anyone can host a baby shower “as long as there is a legitimate reason.” I think you have to determine that for yourself, and it sounds like you’re trying to do that.

Usually hosts tell the honoree how many people they can comfortably host, so you are right — your guest list might be limited if someone else were to hold a shower. It takes a lot of items to welcome two babies at once, and families need all the help they can get. I would tread carefully in this territory; perhaps it would be better to co-host it and contribute heavily financially or leave it to a close friend. I hope your daughter has a lovely shower, whoever hosts it. If you don’t feel comfortable hosting a shower, what about having a Sip-and-See once they’ve arrived so everyone can meet these new babies? Congratulations!

HELEN’S ANSWER: It is awkward for a mother to host a baby shower for her daughter because gifts are involved. If you are an immediate family member having the party, it is like you are watching to see who gives what gift. It is much better for a close friend to have the party. Ask all your friends over after the baby is born for a Sip-and-See party. Most of them will bring gifts then.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Patti Leeman, community volunteer: So exciting! As the grandmother of twins, I guarantee your lifetime of joy is about to double in a hurry. Because you are asking the etiquette questions you mention, you must have some reservations about hosting a shower for your daughter. You should ask your daughter and her husband about it. They do not need additional stressful situations to make them lose sleep before the babies arrive.

If they are hesitant for any reason, you might suggest a substitute of a Sip-and-See or Meet-the-Family gathering for these friends to see the babies and their parents after the births. Gifts are usually customary but not at all compulsory, so there could be no impropriety attached.

Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

20-40-60 Etiquette: Should mom host baby shower? (2024)

FAQs

20-40-60 Etiquette: Should mom host baby shower? ›

HELEN'S ANSWER: It is awkward for a mother to host a baby shower for her daughter because gifts are involved. If you are an immediate family member having the party, it is like you are watching to see who gives what gift. It is much better for a close friend to have the party.

Is it poor etiquette to host your own baby shower? ›

It's totally fine for parents-to-be to host their own baby shower. We completely understand that some expecting parents might want a certain level of control over the celebration of their little one and enjoy party planning.

Should a mother host a baby shower? ›

Most baby showers should be hosted by a sister, mother, mother-in-law, or close friend. Baby showers were traditionally thrown by family members who weren't close with the parents-to-be, to avoid the assumption that close family members wanted to collect gifts for themselves.

What is proper etiquette for who throws a baby shower? ›

Traditionally, close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or co-workers of the mother-to-be hosted baby showers. Because gifts are central to showers, having a member of the honoree's (or husband's) immediate family host appeared self-serving.

Is 20 people enough for a baby shower? ›

Traditionally, baby showers are intimate events, with the average number of attendees being about 20 and definitely fewer than 50. After you figure out who you want to invite, you'll have a baseline guest list.

Whose responsibility is it to host a baby shower? ›

Typically, a close friend or family member will throw your shower, but coworkers or another loved one can host the party. While every baby shower is unique, the host usually takes care of organizing everything — so you can sit back and enjoy being celebrated.

What happens if no one offers to host a baby shower? ›

Subtly mention to your mom, sister, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and best friends that no one has offered to throw you a shower. Sometimes people are happy to throw one for you, but they just assume that someone else has already offered. This will give them an opening to offer on their own.

Who typically pays for a baby shower? ›

Who Traditionally Pays for a Baby Shower? The hostess traditionally pays for the baby shower and its associated costs. However, the hostess can divide up the responsibility and costs by asking a few close family members or friends to co-host.

What to give the host of your baby shower? ›

Best Baby Shower Hostess Gifts
  • Digital frame. Aura Carver Frame. ...
  • Seasonal bouquet. BloomsyBox Original Subscription. ...
  • Vibrant picture album. Artifact Uprising Color Series Photo Book. ...
  • Luxe candle. Diptyque Mimosa Classic Candle. ...
  • Mason jar cupcakes. ...
  • Colorful wine glasses. ...
  • Versatile carry-on bag. ...
  • Comfy robe.
Mar 22, 2024

What does a baby shower host do? ›

The host(s) are then in charge of choosing a location, venue (or home to throw the shower at), creating and sending out invitations, collecting RSVPs, decorating, ordering or preparing food and beverages, and also coordinating any activities that may take place—from optional gift opening to games."

What is the etiquette for a baby shower? ›

Never show up to a baby shower without a gift in hand! That being said, you're not required to buy a gift from the registry. Feel free to shop around and choose any special gift for the new little one (and their mommy!).

Who do you Honour at a baby shower? ›

One of the mum-to-be's family members or close friends typically organises the baby shower. The mum is usually the guest of honour at the party, not the host.

Who should not host a baby shower? ›

Any member of the immediate family (especially the mother) should NOT host a baby shower before the baby is born. This old-school secret code is still relevant today because it appears audacious, as if the expectant mother just wants presents, which is self-serving by having her immediate family host the party for her.

What is a good number of guests for a baby shower? ›

Is it a small spot with just enough tables for 10 people or are you holding it outside, where space is plentiful? The average number of guests at a baby shower is around 20. Adding too many more people to the list will affect your budget, location, menu and more.

How much should I spend on hosting a baby shower? ›

Unless the mum-to-be wants very specific decorations. So once you have included the venue hire, decorations, games, refreshments and number of guests. The average cost of a baby shower will be between $20 and $30 per person. And the overall cost will depend on how many people attend your baby shower.

Am I supposed to throw my own baby shower? ›

Can I throw my own baby shower? Yes! Hosting your own shower is totally appropriate in the new world of party etiquette. If you feel funny about doing so, you can always plan the party but have the RSVP's go to your partner or parent, so that guests don't overtly see you're the one doing it.

Are you supposed to Organise your own baby shower? ›

In fact, it's usually considered perfectly acceptable for a sibling, in-laws, or even the guest of honor's parents to host or co-host a baby shower. It's still unusual for a parent-to-be to host their own shower, though.

Is it taboo to plan your own baby shower? ›

Can you throw your own baby shower? Absolutely! In fact, many parents decide to put together their own baby shower, so it's exactly how they want it to be.

Is it normal to pay for your own baby shower? ›

Traditionally the host will pay but this will depend on many factors. This includes the venue, budget, size of the guest list, and how extravagant it may be. For instance, you can't expect your best friend to throw a huge baby shower and pay for it all herself.

References

Top Articles
Latest Posts
Recommended Articles
Article information

Author: Stevie Stamm

Last Updated:

Views: 5818

Rating: 5 / 5 (80 voted)

Reviews: 95% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Stevie Stamm

Birthday: 1996-06-22

Address: Apt. 419 4200 Sipes Estate, East Delmerview, WY 05617

Phone: +342332224300

Job: Future Advertising Analyst

Hobby: Leather crafting, Puzzles, Leather crafting, scrapbook, Urban exploration, Cabaret, Skateboarding

Introduction: My name is Stevie Stamm, I am a colorful, sparkling, splendid, vast, open, hilarious, tender person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.